No other acoustic instrument can match the piano's expressive range, and no electric instrument can match its mystery.

I'm so relieved, I got back to playing my piano. I still remembered my first notes on those virgin keys as clear as day. It was a decade ago. This huge black upright. It had one of those winding stools on it that could wind down low or wind up really high, and I would wind it down to get on it and then I would ask my teacher to wind it up so I could reach the keys. I wasn't just an extension of my piano, I was the piano. That's how much classical pieces influenced me.

Not only was I away from the piano for a couple of years or so but I really was getting a bit bored with the piano, compositionally. I don't put boundaries on myself when I sit at the piano. The brutal absence done injustic to my sight reading. I'm not all music theory smart. To me, it's internal and an instinctive thing. I've never felt anything that moves me as much as my piano. I'm an emotional player. I honestly prefer my piano to people. It's totally reliable and it's alive. I can hear what it's saying.

If I couldn't play, I've no idea what kind of bitter person I would've become.

Hours, on it, I know when I'm playing passionately, and it's primitive and it's as old as time. Tortuous but, at the same time, it's the only way I learn and there was no stopping to it.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Don't confuse motion for progress. [ 8:07 PM ]

They'd say, it's the rocking horse.

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Monday, November 19, 2007

I need you to say it's alright. [ 11:37 PM ]

I've got so much to say.

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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Even lightning doesn't strike twice. [ 9:43 PM ]

"I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped."

Fredrick Pearls.

Something about this, is very settling that stages itself as a heartfelt reminder for my ever needed constant reality check. If I choose to believe that the past weeks are of adamant response to giving up, then it shall be. If I choose to believe that, that adamant response is of regret, it's a wasteful emotion to begin with, I'll dispose it.

Listen to this, I say it loud and clear, when you're offered a chance, you pounce on it, grab it and make it yours. Take your time and it will go away. Get left behind, get lost forever. I'm now given a chance to prove my worth, to prove that this opportunity is meant for me because if I lose it, if I fail, I'll never get a chance to be heard. Luck isn't for the weak, because the harder you work, the more you'll have it.

Though it pains me to think of the bitter alternative, chewing the bitterness of it all may be rewarding because I want to make an impression, I want to do this just right.

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Friday, November 09, 2007

You're always on my mind. [ 12:42 AM ]

I woke up this morning, kissed by the sun rays. As I heave a breather, I just laid there in the comfort of my bed, staring at the ceiling above me and then, closing my eyelids, recuperating the lost hours of my sleep. And I started thinking.

Every now and then some other kind of fantasy slips in my head. Most of my fantasies disband when I wake, vanished to the back of my mind most habitually and true. Sometimes I choose to believe that I'm sure if I try hard enough, I can live that dream. Out of the many, my fantasy could be simple where pleasure is good, and twice as much pleasure is better and that pain is bad, and no pain is better. But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us something, and there's only so much pleasure we can take, a capacity is present, surging my heart to impactful feelings or nursing with time. And maybe that's okay. Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in my dreams, our dreams.


I may not be pious enough to puff my outmost conviction in God but I keep faith in what I do and what I believe in. For the past year or so, much truth has been surfaced tentatively. Essentially, my hope shapes my life because I start looking forward to things and this is a pretty huge deal for me coming from a girl who used to wallow in self pity, holding on and not moving forward. My heart used to be unreliable. Appreciation, is certainly a strong word to begin with and every time, I'm reminded by my ugly past and tangibly, some parts of my recurrent present, I can't help but feel motivated to not conceal the truth from what I should know and take full action for my mistakes made and not doing them again, alerts me completely.

I'm taking this, baby step at a time to complete the journey of what life has for me.

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Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Slot this in. [ 3:51 PM ]

Based on the infamous novel series by Cecily von Ziegesar Gossip Girl, come a drama that will take your guilty pleasure to a whole new level.

Enjoy.

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Friday, November 02, 2007

Steal into the shadows [ 10:05 PM ]

Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance,
another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again

- Luther Vandross

Memories drape around like an open wound that refused to scar over, an open window that no sum of might could shut.

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